


The High Cost of Attention

by romanticalgirl



Series: Attention's Price [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:52:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 2000</p>
    </blockquote>





	The High Cost of Attention

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 2000

It's been two weeks. Graduation has come and gone. The Ascension has come and gone.

We've survived. For the most part. Survived and moved on. 

Angel's gone. Cordelia too. I'm surprised how much I already miss her and her ability to cut through the bullshit and speak the truth. 

In that respect, I'm almost glad she's gone. Because one day she would have noticed something. 

Something like despite the fact that Willow and I are now sleeping together, Buffy and I are still lovers. 

"Hey." The object of my thoughts comes up to me and sits beside me. "Where's Will?" 

"Helping Giles with some stuff. Working on her magic." I look over at her, taking her in. She doesn't look particularly happy, but the hard edge of sorrow has faded. She's dressed in shorts and a tank top and the sight of her is intoxicating. "Did you two have plans?" 

Her hand smoothes down her leg before moving over to mine. "No." 

I close my eyes as she squeezes my thigh then moves her hand higher. My pants are impossibly tight as she trails her fingertips over my erection. "Did you?" 

"Not with Willow." Removing her hand, she stands up then climbs onto my lap, straddling me. "I'm feeling incomplete. Make me whole?" 

***

I take a deep breath, trying to center myself, trying to find the peace inside of me. I used to think of Oz, but since graduation, the thought of him is more exciting than peaceful. 

Giles lays a gentle hand on my shoulder and steadies me. "Deep breath." I inhale and exhale, concentrating on the warmth of his hands on my shoulders. "Close your eyes, begin when you're ready. And remember, I'm right here. You're safe." 

I feel him walk away, even though all my attention is now focused on the crystal in my hand and the words of the spell on my lips. 

I whisper them, turning my thoughts to Oz. I'm working on a location spell where I can "see" the person in my thoughts. I rub the crystal and say the final words, filling them with emotion to give them guidance. 

And suddenly, amazingly, I'm in Oz's bedroom. It looks the same as always: dark, messy and comfortable. I take things in, looking around to see how much detail I can decipher. 

I notice little things, committing them to memory so that I can relate them back to Giles. The color of the book on his desk, the towel thrown casually over his chair, the soft moan that comes from the jumbled pile of covers on his king size bed. 

Back in the library, my eyes snap open. In Oz's room, everything comes into sharp focus as the cascade of blonde hair falls down Buffy's back as she sits up. 

Oz's hands are gently massaging her breasts as she undulates against him. I noticed the thin sheen of sweat that covers them both. And I pay close attention to their hoarse cries as they climax together, collapsing in an exhausted, sweaty heap. 

I throw the crystal from me, breaking the spell and very nearly hitting Giles. His reflexes kick in and he catches it before impact then rushes to my side. 

Before I can think I'm sobbing in his arms, only his strength keeping me from shattering like my heart. 

I've never been so completely betrayed. Never once in any of my worst nightmares did I imagine my best friend and the man I had given my heart, not to mention my virginity to, would betray me. 

Giles is whispering quietly, empty words of comfort that do nothing to soothe me. He doesn't ask what I saw, he doesn't ask if he can help. He simply holds me until I pull away. 

"I need to go." 

"Would you like a ride?" 

"No, thank you." I grab my backpack and leave as quickly as I can, wondering what I'm supposed to do now. 

***

Buffy and I walk into Giles' apartment, which is our meeting place now that the library is gone. I follow Buffy, expecting to see Willow's innocent face smiling at me. 

Instead there's just Giles, rubbing a crystal between his fingers, quite obviously lost in thought. He looks up as we enter, his brows drawing together in anger or something like it. 

"Hey, Giles." 

"Buffy. Oz." His voice is cool to both of us and a shiver of fear runs through me. "I'm afraid you missed Willow." 

We both sit facing him. "I thought you were doing the big, black magic all day?" 

He doesn't look at Buffy as he picks up the book in front of him and hands it to me. "We were. Something happened." 

I look up, frightened. "Is she all right?" 

"This is the spell we were working on." 

I notice how he deliberately doesn't answer my question. Quickly reading through the spell, my heart stops as I realize what must have happened, what she must have seen. I look up at Giles, dying inside as he nods. "I need to go." 

"If you think it's best." The hesitance in his voice stops me as I stand. 

"What do you mean?" 

He looks at Buffy, who is staring at us both, unsure of what's going on. Picking up the spell book, he nods toward the kitchen. "Why don't we talk in private?" 

"Why?" Buffy asks, her eyes dangerous. 

"Because this is about Oz and Willow. Unless you think you need to be involved?" It's not a question so much as a challenge and when she shrugs in response, I'm not sure if Giles is relieved or disappointed. 

I follow him in to the kitchen and sit on the counter. "You don't want me to go after her?" 

"I don't want you to hurt her." He responds softly. "You obviously love Willow. I don't doubt that, but if you need to turn to Buffy to fulfill something, you're not being fair to either of them." 

"What's between Buffy and I is"

"I don't care," he interrupts. "I don't care what it was or what it is. The point is, Willow knows. She sawsomething. So please, before you go to her, know what you want." 

He places the spell book on top of the refrigerator, effectively dismissing me. I walk out into the living room again, noting the way Buffy is looking at me. Noticing the way I feel as I look at her. 

"I'm going to go find Wills. I'll see you later?" She nods, and I see, for the first time, the disappointment in her eyes as I turn away. 

And I realize anything can happen when you're not paying attention. 

***

It's starting to get dark, so I leave the park to head home. I haven't cried since I left Giles. I know it won't do any good. I step onto the sidewalk, wanting to be home, locked in my room, away from everyone. 

"Willow?" 

I freeze at the sound of Oz's voice. Turning slowly, I look at him, leaning against the side of his van. "Oz." 

"Can we talk?" 

"Sure." I walk over slowly and stand next to him. 

We stand there in silence for a long time. Finally, he reaches over and takes my hand. I stiffen and pull away. 

"Don't." 

"Willow, I'm"

"Don't do that either. Don't say you're sorry, unless you really are. Don't say you're sorry unless you want to make everything right." 

"You saw me with Buffy." 

It's not a question. "Yes." 

"Can I explain?" 

"No. I don't want to know any of the details. Justjust tell me this, do you love her?" 

"It's not about" He stops, and I can tell he's thinking about her. "It wasn't supposed to be about emotion." 

"What was it supposed to be about then?" I don't really want to know, but I can't help but ask. "Lying? Cheating? Getting back at me for what happened with Xander?" 

"No. It wasn't about you. Well, it was in the respect that there are parts of you that I can't touch. Parts that belong to Xander." 

"There's nothing between me and Xander but friendship." 

"You and Xander complete each other in a way you and I never can." 

"So sleepinghaving sex with Buffy completes you?" 

"In a sense." 

"So why bother with me? Or am I your Xander. Good old buddy Willow, whom you just happen to be sleeping with?" 

"You're not just someone I'm sleeping with." 

"Yes. I am. Otherwise, you would have had the decency to tell me the truth." I close my eyes and gather my strength. "Do you love her, Oz?" 

"Yes." 

"All right then." I push off the van and start walking home again. 

"Willow, wait!" 

"Go home Oz." 

"Don't just walk away!" 

But he's too late. I already have. 

***

Buffy's in one of the cemeteries patrolling. I walk up to her and sit beside her. "Stake any good vamps lately?" 

"No, they've all been bad." 

I take her hand, playing with the long, delicate, lethal fingers. "Some adventures don't turn out like in the movies." 

"True." She doesn't respond physically at all, instead she just stares straight ahead. 

"Sometimes the girl you expect to be the one you live happily ever after with isn't." 

"Sometimes she is." 

"And sometimes someone completely unexpected comes along and sweeps you away." 

She looks at me out of the corner of her eye and I see hope tempered with uncertainty. "Really?" 

Reaching up with my other hand, I capture her chin and hold her as I kiss her. And for once, no vampire interrupts the moment. Pulling back, I meet her eyes with my own. "Really." 

***

The next day, as usual for us now, I head for Giles' apartment. I walk in alone and sit across from Xander. I spent last night thinking about what happens next and didn't get very far. I think my best bet is to not look at what's ahead. I've got a lot going on right now. Learning magic with Giles, adjusting to Buffy and Oz, reestablishing my friendship with Xander and, hopefully, hanging with all my friends when it doesn't hurt so much. 

I hope, eventually, it won't hurt so much. 

"Hey Wills?" Xander holds out a book and a small metal pin. "The same?" 

I look at the picture and the pin and nod. We're cataloguing the after effects of the Ascension attempt. 

Giles comes in with a cup a tea and sits on the arm of my chair. "Good morning, Willow." 

It's almost a question and I'm struck again by how much Giles cares about us all. I nod and shrug, conveying my ambivalent feelings. "Morning." 

He smiles his understanding before moving over to Xander to look at the pin. 

I look up as the front door opens. Buffy and Oz walk in, their hands falling to their sides as their eyes meet mine. 

I think about how hurt Cordelia and Oz were when they found me and Xander at the factory. 

I think about the venom between Xander and Cordelia. 

I think about how hard it was to change my relationship with my lifelong friend as a result of our indiscretion. 

I think about how much nicer it is when we're all friends. 

I smile at them. 

It doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't make me feel any less betrayed. 

But it's a start. 

They walk in, obviously nervous and I realize Xander is talking to me. 

His dark chocolate eyes are worried and I wonder how much he knows. I smile at him, "What was that Xander? I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention." 


End file.
